When Thankfulness Feels Hard

“In the quiet glow of resilience, a mother and son celebrate milestones shaped by grace, gratitude, and growth.”

“It will never get easier…you handle hard better.” – Kara Lawson, Duke University Women’s Basketball Coach

Every November, we enter what Americans call “the season of Thanksgiving.” Is thankfulness just a season or should it be a mindset and lifestyle? Scripture challenges us: “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)

Many of us find ourselves in situations we did not anticipate, did not cause, and we may not deserve. Gratitude can feel unrealistic when we are suffering and trying to survive. Obstacles narrow our vision until all we can see is the struggle…and it is real for a lot of people.

Suffering That Shaped Us

In my newest book, Pathways to Purpose, I reflect on a season of hardship as my family endured the 2020 pandemic. The world shut down. Loved ones fought for their lives, and some did not win the battle. Our bodies practiced social distancing and our hearts practiced emotional, mental, and spiritual distancing. Families were isolated. Children became insulated. Fear and grief spread faster than the virus.

During this atmosphere, we were preparing to celebrate and release our older son who was graduating high school. It was the first of significant milestones and it looked nothing like we envisioned. Then he entered college during unprecedented restrictions and nothing felt “normal.” Like many families, we battled uncertainty and unspoken worries but we endured.

Endurance reminds us that we can face today’s hardships because we lived through yesterday’s struggle.

The pain was real and the challenges during the pandemic caused Elijah to decide he was going to take “an untraditional path.” As a mother, I wondered what that really meant. For years, we talked about his future and suddenly his plans shifted without my permission. Say it ain’t so!

I felt like dreams were slipping away by the unexpected change in direction. As parent-leaders we plan, support, and sacrifice to give our children “the best” and we can feel like disappointment when plans shift.

Elijah was discovering new passions in design, multimedia, and entrepreneurship. Recognizing my limited authority in the matter, I chose not to resist his goals but to support him. He flourished at the inaugural Pensole Lewis Masterclass then launched a business while gaining experience with several small business owners that shaped his professional growth, but the path was not all roses. In the process he faced reality checks and frustrations. At times, the path appeared dim but he persevered.

In hindsight, all these moments were necessary stops on his pathway to purpose. They provided an intrinsic clarity that refined his outlook and developed his maturity as he transitioned into adulthood.

It changed me too! I faced my own parental disappointments. You know, the kind parents feel but will not acknowledge when their kids don’t do what they thought (and planned) for them to do. For a moment, it seemed my sacrifices were in vain and that bothered me initially. Then I learned to relinquish control of decisions I could no longer control. So what, he made different plans. I continued to pray and trust God was at work ordering his steps according to God’s plan not mine.

A Moment of Gratitude

Despite everything that took place in 2025, I choose to have an attitude of gratitude in the face of opposition. So with early Christmas cheer, I decorated the house sooner than usual. As I added the final touches to the tree, my son came alongside me and said, “Mom, I have some great news. I passed my last test and ordered my cap and gown.” I took this moment in quietly remembering the days I thought it might not happen. It did not come when I expected. It did not unfold how we planned but it happened so I am thankful.

Isn’t that life?

Situations and people arrive uninvited, unwelcomed. Plans are disrupted. Our instinct is to resist every change we do not like or want but sometimes the detours prepare us for the pathway ahead. I watched my son mature through adversity, grow in responsibility, and accountability for his decisions. His journey is still unfolding but we are celebrating every milestone. His setbacks led to a deeper faith, stronger resolve, and greater appreciation for his life.

When I look back, what once felt like inconvenience or hardship now looks like “ordered steps.” Each challenge produced something in us—resilience, humility, forgiveness—qualities forged only through the passage of suffering with gratitude, not attitude.

Gratitude changed everything. It restored perspective. It increased patient endurance.

It reminded us to be thankful for victories God already won.

As I wrote in Rites of Passage: Raising Sons to Be Men of Standard, “It is natural to want an easier path laden with conveniences. However, emotional underdevelopment is costly and it limits the ability to handle the complexities of a world filled with hurt people, broken relationships, financial challenges, and personal disappointments.”

Leadership in Suffering

As parents and leaders, our response to adversity may speak louder than the outcomes themselves. If we do not get the results we want or lose things along the way:

Is our character refined? Are we better or bitter?

Is our heart posture one of thankfulness or resentment?

Our families, organizations, and communities look to leadership to model how to stand in difficult times. Gratitude does not remove suffering but it builds tenacity in it. Our growth comes in dark places, in adversity.

For those who believe in Christ, the Truth anchors us. We should never fail to give thanks since our faith is in the One who gives us hope even in suffering to go through it with gratitude because He is always with us.

No matter your situation, find hope in the eternal one who gives us a reason to be thankful today!

Have a Gratitude-filled Thanksgiving!